1. finding my faith, interviewing local religious leaders (pastors, rabbi’s, etc)

2. leaving the corporate day job, taking life risks, learning moderate minimalism

this new life i am embarking on is a calling to heal, i need to focus on my soul (i have been working on my mind and body for years), i can never step into the same stream twice, every human being has a hole inside them and there are great things in this life that can fill it but it will never be permanent until they find a relationship with g-d, there will always be another stream, finances are going to be okay, i can always take out a student loan if i need it, grad students can file a fafsa at anytime, treat people respecting their journey and wisdom – they know so much (this is how i liked to be treated), it is not weak of me to want to be around people who love and honor me, cooking a good healthy dinner is quick and easy and its nice to have leftovers for lunch, quick food shopping at wegmans is quick inexpensive and easy and i can use my new cool market bag, i love life, its so nice to return to just being me, when i let my facades down people get me and i wonder if my eyes look different like they can look deeper into them, g-d watches me when i sleep, i love loving people, one day it will be amazing to have a little one in the back seat who i can comfort and love and cuddle and look at and be amazed, one day it will be amazing to have a little erika-matt baby to take to lunch and have a permanent perfect gallavant partner, i don’t have to look at facebook everyday or even every week if someone really wants to talk to me they can call, we will spend everyday together, talking to really negative friends when i am having an epiphany day is a bummer so let it go to voicemail, butternut squash spinach onions and cranberries are really yum together, spencer is so sweet, i don’t always have to look perfect, i need to be easier on myself, i can actually do this thing i want to do

note: another plus about leaving big all-consuming corporate job is that you will have some time to rearrange, hang, open the windows at home

note: you have a practicum meeting at 3:00 today, don’t forget

“When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke
them into being. When I created man, I formed him from
the dust of the Earth and breathed life into his
nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed
the breath of life into man because your nostrils are
too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him
so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man
was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with
the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose
the bone that protects man’s life. I chose the rib,
which protects his heart and lungs and supports him,
as you are meant to do.

“Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I
created you perfectly and beautifully. Your
characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate
and fragile. You provide protection for the most
delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the
center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of
life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken
before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man
as the rib cage supports the body.”

“You were not taken from his feet, to be under him,
nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You
were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be
held close to his side. You are my perfect angel. You
are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a
splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I
see the virtue in your heart. Your eyes: don’t change
them. Your lips: how lovely when they part in prayer.
Your nose so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to
touch. I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep;
I’ve held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives
and breathes, you are the most like me.”

“Adam walked with me in the cool of the day and yet he
was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could
only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and
experience with me, I fashioned in you: my holiness,
my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and
support. You are special because you are the extension
of me.”

“Man represents my image, woman – my emotions.
Together, you represent the totality of God. So man:
treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is
fragile. In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to
her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage
your own heart, the heart of your Father and the heart
of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show
him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle
quietness show your strength. In love, show him that
you are the rib that protects his inner self.”

i feel like me. i have been off for a week, and now i feel like me. i think i will be okay with this breaking away from corporate thing. i feel free. i want to never again get a job that consumes my spirit. i need an element of freedom in my life, i need to be free. a few hours of freedom is not true freedom. i want all of my hours to be mine.

things we did in florida:

drove way too much, batting cages, jeep dealership, outside mall nearby for impromptu sushi lunch and costco browsing, sleeping in rest areas (why are there none in georgia?), reading tuesdays with morrie, buying watercolors and not using them, arguing, vineyard church on easter, air hockey with onlookers, cooking, buying too much food from publix, walmart, sanibel, biking in sanibel, freaking out for not biking enough in sanibel, outlet shopping, brew babies, bert’s, matalcha, biking in matlacha, model home, real estate contemplating, sleeping til i wake up, throwing softball, throwing spencer’s green lobster toy, champagne, quiche, trying some recipes that didn’t turn out good, got inspired by carrot soup, missing home, laying on the upside down bought looking at the stars, finding a liberty of london dress at goodwill and a great case logic bag, doing zero homework even though i hauled it all there, mopping, flatbread pizza and smores, matt’s new under armour running shoes, sunblock, bad expensive mexican food, leaving notes, playing silly games on computer, waking up to sunshine and water, stopping in dc to see good friends in their enviable apartment, feeding spencer off the back seat and having him drink from a dunkin donuts cup, taking a 2 hour detour to try to see a jason upton concert but finding the hotels that take dogs are ridiculous, not being angry about it (progress!), eating cheerios wheat thins pretzels challah string cheese goldfish crackers

the artists dates i have mastered. the artist dates are once-weekly excursions you do completely for you, usually alone (you can bring a very supportive friend with you if you have one – I do), its something you want to do, a gallavant, a trip, something selfish and indulgent (everyone needs these), mischievious, exploratory, you can spend no money or lots of money (whatev). and the best part is that its part of this creativity prescription – so you must do it. these dates keep my brain healthy. i feel different when i deprive myself of them.

the morning pages are the harder part for me, even though i am a writer. they are pages you write everyday about anything. stream-of-consciousness type stuff. they are supposed to be handwritten, and very very private. you can flush them down the toilet after writing them if you want.

i’ve been thinking about being even more random than i already am and writing a bit of stream-of-consciousness on this blog, a way to keep myself honest. maybe not everyday, because i don’t like rules. but, we’ll see.

doggie bathing, driveway shoveling, cleaning, rearranging furniture, dinners with friends at home, magic bullet, forgetting to buy vaccuum bags, surf taco, salsa, costco, religion debates, matchmaking, chopping, ponytails, headbands, magazines, a first etsy sale (!), squats, running, broken ipod, olympic watching, bathroom tiling, heated seats, guitar picking, high gloss paint, aerogardening, reading, thinking, dreaming, hoping, loving, smiling

anthropologie double ruffle trench

i just need it to be warm…  n  o  w.

today was full of fun, laughter, giggling, bare burrito and salsa, poodle hair clips, ice, running, chapstick, dollar store bling buying, clutter purging, e-mail checking, work avoiding, trying to keep my little pieces of hair in a pony tail, blushing, smiling, eating, chopping, scheming