learning

today today i learned (or was reminded):

this new life i am embarking on is a calling to heal, i need to focus on my soul (i have been working on my mind and body for years), i can never step into the same stream twice, every human being has a hole inside them and there are great things in this life that can fill it but it will never be permanent until they find a relationship with g-d, there will always be another stream, finances are going to be okay, i can always take out a student loan if i need it, grad students can file a fafsa at anytime, treat people respecting their journey and wisdom – they know so much (this is how i liked to be treated), it is not weak of me to want to be around people who love and honor me, cooking a good healthy dinner is quick and easy and its nice to have leftovers for lunch, quick food shopping at wegmans is quick inexpensive and easy and i can use my new cool market bag, i love life, its so nice to return to just being me, when i let my facades down people get me and i wonder if my eyes look different like they can look deeper into them, g-d watches me when i sleep, i love loving people, one day it will be amazing to have a little one in the back seat who i can comfort and love and cuddle and look at and be amazed, one day it will be amazing to have a little erika-matt baby to take to lunch and have a permanent perfect gallavant partner, i don’t have to look at facebook everyday or even every week if someone really wants to talk to me they can call, we will spend everyday together, talking to really negative friends when i am having an epiphany day is a bummer so let it go to voicemail, butternut squash spinach onions and cranberries are really yum together, spencer is so sweet, i don’t always have to look perfect, i need to be easier on myself, i can actually do this thing i want to do

note: another plus about leaving big all-consuming corporate job is that you will have some time to rearrange, hang, open the windows at home

note: you have a practicum meeting at 3:00 today, don’t forget

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